So, you’re about to follow a recipe involving lentils, but the recipe unhelpfully suggests that you must first sort the lentils. Of course, this leaves you wondering: how do you sort lentils? What happens if you sort lentils incorrectly? Why are all of these lentil recipes so assuming?
Actually, sorting lentils is quite simple and rewarding. Properly sorted lentils yield a fuller, richer flavor and have a more consistent texture than unsorted lentils. Also, unless you’re allergic to them or fall victim to an unlikely accident, sorted lentils will not kill you. This article describes the minimal procedure you must follow to guarantee that your lentils are properly sorted. It should serve as a solid fundamental technique that you can extend with your own refinements as you pursue your culinary career.
Before sorting the lentils, wash them thoroughly and allow them to dry completely. Once they’re dry, begin the sorting process by distributing your lentils over a flat surface about 1 lentil deep.

You’ll notice that your lentils vary greatly in size, color, and shape. You might even find misshapen lentils and small pebbles. Remove imperfect lentils and anything that’s not actually a lentil. Set these bits aside for fun or other recipes.

Some improperly-formed lentils have obvious color differences or look unappetizing. Others may simply be chipped. Be sure to remove these as well.

Lentils tend to have a broad color range–even within the same lentil family. The lentils in these photos are green lentils; however, you’ll notice they range from a brownish color to a deep green. Continue sorting your lentils by dividing the lentils into two piles by color. In either pile, no lentil’s color should be more than one standard deviation away from the pile’s mean. If a lentil does not fit in either pile without violating this rule, it should be discarded. You’ll find that a good spectrophotometer can help improve your accuracy.

Larger, unripe lentils take longer to cook than smaller, ripe lentils. To ensure that your lentils are evenly cooked, you need to sort the lentils by size and color (color being the indicator of ripeness) so that you can quickly accommodate the varying cooking times. Size is slightly more important than color, so proceed to measure each lentil in both of your piles with recently-calibrated digital calipers. Lentils are metric, so be sure your calipers are set correctly.

Arrange the lentils by size and color on a cutting board that you can easily lift and carry to a boiling pot of water. Ideally, you will have large brown lentils near one edge of your cutting board, and small green lentils (assuming you’re making green lentils) away from the edge, with a progression of colors and sizes in between. Again, size is more important than color, so prioritize size and worry only a bit if you are unable to achieve a pleasing color gradient.

Continue arranging by size and color until the lentils are completely sorted. If, after your first pass, you think you can improve the color layout without affecting the size ordering, you should probably go back for another pass. Just watch that your zeal does not cause you to place a larger lentil further away from the cutting board edge than a smaller lentil.

Now that your lentils are completely sorted, you may proceed to follow your recipe. When it is time to add the lentils to boiling water, use a sharp knife to slide each row of lentils off the cutting board and into the pot. Your sorting pays off when you compensate for lentil variance by adding the lentil rows at 150 millisecond intervals. No kitchen is complete without a NIST-traceable stopwatch.

During cooking, dead lentils will float to the top of the pot. You’ll want to carefully remove these and discard them.

Continue cooking and serve as your recipe directs. You should be pleasantly surprised by a robust, differentiated flavor and the even texture that distinguishes this process. If you are not, you probably did it wrong.
This was very helpful! I hope you continue blogging!
hahahah awesome awesome awesome!
May I suggest a title change? “Lentils for the OCD chef”.
You had me going until I was the image of the micrometer, and the line “Lentils are metric, so be sure your calipers are set correctly”.
Thank you for the laugh!
Recently a friend of mine gave me a bag containing a pound of dried navy beans which he had bought by accident but could not eat, as he doesn’t consume products from China, a country he believes utilizes slave labor. He helpfully pointed out the words “Produce of China” at the bottom of the ingredients list. Having no such qualms, I took the bag home and prepared to soak the beans. The first instruction read “Examine the product and discard all foreign matter.” After I had accomplished that, I found I had no need to go on to step two.
I do this with my Ritalin tablets.
The only thing I have to add is that the more traditional ways of sorting lentils may have contributed to the French idiom for lesbians; lentilleuses.
Had me going until the spectrophotometer.
A very satisfying article, I would very much like to follow this process. However I need your help. Although I already possess a digital caliper, I do not have the other two kitchen items mentioned in your excellent instructions. Can you please let me know the best place to purchase the spectrophotometer and the NIST – traceable stopwatch?
Will this work with teh new Kickstarter spectrometer?
I need to know because it’s go 20 days left.
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jywarren/public-lab-diy-spectrometry-kit
No. That spectrometer is only $35, which isn’t nearly expensive enough to work.
Loved this!!!! haha!!! Thank you for taking the time.
Brilliant! I feel so satisfied after doing that. I think I might just throw these out in the yard and open another bag.
I’m still smiling inside!
I’ve been laughing for ten minutes. I’m going to the store to get a bag right now!